Today, as I went in my bedroom after breakfast to make my bed, I found the nastiest, crawliest bug on the floor. It was belly up and I couldn't tell if it was dying or just sunning itself. I couldn't bear the thought of going near it, so I vacuumed it up. Then I got all crawly and began to wonder if any of the furniture was hatching. After all, we rescued it from a barn, and it's old. Who knows what crawled up in the nooks and crevices. So I've deep cleaned through my morning, and deep cleaning makes one think.
I didn't expect marriage to come with this awkward phase. I feel somehow cheated by women before me, by those that "have it all". Their ambition glares down at me and my sorry lack of ambition. Nowadays, when I think about working, it's like trying to do a jigsaw puzzle. Does this piece go here? Will I be able to afford a nanny? Will Daniel continue to have weekdays off? When will I be at the "right place" in my career to have children? Will we ever be able to live off of one income? What happens if I become the only breadwinner?
There are many voices on the subject of women at home vs. women at work. The more formal arguments come from women at work...naturally. They get paid to write an article for the New York Times, or they are a top player at facebook who would make for a profitable book deal. The informal arguments (including possibly this one) are coming from women at home in the form of mommy blogs. For this reason, I wish mommy blogs weren't so nauseating. I wish stay-at-home motherhood wasn't associated with upcycling every piece of furniture (i.e. painting it teal blue), making gourmet meals for toddlers, etc. Nauseating as many of them are, they are making a great point. Many women are finding the working mother model hard to swallow. For some, it's so great in theory, and so miserable in practice.
As a babysitter, I have seen many versions of the working mother, from those that work nights or two days a week, to those that work a 9-5 with lots of nanny/hubby help. Sometimes I noticed a balance had been achieved. Other times, I witnessed heaps of stress on mothers, children and husbands as everyone tried to share the load. Don't believe me? Ask your nanny how many snide remarks she's heard your hubby make, or how many inconsolable "I want my mommy" crying fits she has had to deal with. I'm not trying to add to the working mother guilt, but I begin to wonder if we as women have more choice than we think.
As I'm not being paid for writing this, I will keep my argument short. I think it's ironic that we talk about stay-at-home-motherhood as though it's something new and novel. It's an old spin on an old classic. Why the war? Why the push to get an equal number of women in the CEO spots? Why does a 26-year-old woman feel like a mooching she-devil when she thinks about the stay-at-home life? Is there a happy medium? I hope I find it.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Awkward Beauty
I had to submit a "professional-looking" photo to WGU for my student teaching portfolio. Aren't photographs humbling? I never thought of myself as particularly beautiful, in the words of a high school classmate "You're no beauty queen, Cheri". (Why do these things stay with us? It's been almost a decade since high school.)
Surprisingly, I have learned to accept some of my non-beauty-queen attributes. I don't think it's because they "add character" as the phrase goes, but because of a semi-defeatist acceptance of some of my awkward features.
Awkward feature #1: My eyes are each a different shape and size. My left eye is larger and rounder. My right eye is smaller and more almond-shaped. Freaky, I know, but not that uncommon. An online search came up with this article: Two Eyes, Two Sizes.
Awkward Feature #2: This one only sort of counts, because it is a recent development and is fixable. My teeth have continued to push forward in the last five years and my left front tooth is starting to angle forward. I call it my scraggle-tooth. It doesn't help that I missed putting lipstick on half my bottom lip for this picture. Clearly not beauty queen behavior. I also have a funny drooping gum-line on one side that has to be cut back by an oral surgeon ever five years or so.
Could be much, much worse. So, I will accept that I am a crazy-eyed, scraggle-toothed non-beauty-queen. Does that make me an ogre?
Transitional Summer
In the past, summer has meant job hunting. Being the introspective introvert that I am, I would typically spend the springtime reevaluating my life, decide that my current job was not aligning with my goals, put my two weeks in, and then spend the summer looking for a job. Granted, sometimes the change in employment was due to a change in school schedule or graduation.
This summer is different, yet strangely similar. I tend to put enormous pressure on myself...pressure to achieve, to be my personal best. The way I have handled jumping into teaching is no different. I didn't know I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to be an actuary..i.e. I wanted to attain the crown jewel, the holy grail of being a math major. It was the job that said, "Wow you're really smart, you must make a ton of money." Then I started taking the actuary exams and stressed myself out, studying for them alongside my senior year classes. And when I stress, I draw inward. I began talking to Daniel about what our future family life would look like, and through those talks, the teacher image emerged.
Upon moving here, employment was key, but also getting on the teacher track. I found both in being employed as a substitute teacher. Substituting is good for me. It is more money than I have ever made and the pressure is over when the last bell rings. But where am I going with this?...oh yeah, this summer.
I am stressed again, but slowly unwinding myself. I started WGU April 1st, and since then I have been on the fast track. It's a "competency-based" program, which lets me go at my own pace, which in my world means hyper-speed. The average student completes the program in 18 months. I was determined to complete it in 12 months, the main motive being to start student teaching in Jan. '14, vs. Sept. '14 (I only have those two options each year), so that I could get a teaching contract for the '14-'15 school year.
This summer, I was planning to complete most of my program. I have done a whole lot since I started. In fact, I am on track to graduate in March '14. But my aggressive plan means studying for 3 major math exams this summer, and this task has left me paralyzed. I have reached that point of overworking myself, and have spent the last three days watching TLC and reading psychology books.
So I am rethinking. A teaching contract is getting less and less attractive at this stage in my life. I really enjoy substituting, and I especially love the flexibility. Daniel's career requires mobility at this stage, and I can substitute anywhere. I'm not giving up on getting my credential, just considering slowing the pace.
This summer is different, yet strangely similar. I tend to put enormous pressure on myself...pressure to achieve, to be my personal best. The way I have handled jumping into teaching is no different. I didn't know I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to be an actuary..i.e. I wanted to attain the crown jewel, the holy grail of being a math major. It was the job that said, "Wow you're really smart, you must make a ton of money." Then I started taking the actuary exams and stressed myself out, studying for them alongside my senior year classes. And when I stress, I draw inward. I began talking to Daniel about what our future family life would look like, and through those talks, the teacher image emerged.
Upon moving here, employment was key, but also getting on the teacher track. I found both in being employed as a substitute teacher. Substituting is good for me. It is more money than I have ever made and the pressure is over when the last bell rings. But where am I going with this?...oh yeah, this summer.
I am stressed again, but slowly unwinding myself. I started WGU April 1st, and since then I have been on the fast track. It's a "competency-based" program, which lets me go at my own pace, which in my world means hyper-speed. The average student completes the program in 18 months. I was determined to complete it in 12 months, the main motive being to start student teaching in Jan. '14, vs. Sept. '14 (I only have those two options each year), so that I could get a teaching contract for the '14-'15 school year.
This summer, I was planning to complete most of my program. I have done a whole lot since I started. In fact, I am on track to graduate in March '14. But my aggressive plan means studying for 3 major math exams this summer, and this task has left me paralyzed. I have reached that point of overworking myself, and have spent the last three days watching TLC and reading psychology books.
So I am rethinking. A teaching contract is getting less and less attractive at this stage in my life. I really enjoy substituting, and I especially love the flexibility. Daniel's career requires mobility at this stage, and I can substitute anywhere. I'm not giving up on getting my credential, just considering slowing the pace.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Summer and Family Matters
Summer is here! Today was the last day of school for most of my district and yesterday was my last day of subbing for the year. Yesterday I watched the first 45 minutes of A Bug's Life 5 times. I don't recommend it! Now that summer is on, I can get to work on completing my teaching credential. I love working on school from home. I have a schedule for my day and it's so amazing to get chores and errands done and transition right into writing a paper, without having to work out bus schedules or deadlines. Loving WGU.
We spent the weekend visiting family in Salt Lake City and sending Taylor off on his mission. I spent the 10.5 hour drive home thinking on the weekend and reflecting on family. So often we hear the phrase "Life is too short" but when it comes to family, life is long, especially when you have a big family like I do.
What does that mean and what are the implications? Think back on the history of your family. It stretches further than you can think about and someday we'll all be great-great-grandma/pa who did such-and-such. Think about your aunts, uncles, grandparents and how much they have affected your personality, well-being, and experiences. That's what I mean. Family life is long, and its effect is far-reaching. Too often, families can lose perspective and get caught up in short-term situations, losing sight of the long-term effects.
I write the next part of my post, not placing any blame, or making judgments. Truthfully, it's hard seeing my family these days. Several factors contribute to this fact, including that several of us live out of state. I would like to propose some solutions that might remedy our future family relationships.
1. Once in awhile, at least every year or two, we all need to be at the same place at the same time. We need to set a date in the future that we can all commit to being there. (Taylor's Homecoming? Palm Desert resort weekend?) Being in the same city doesn't count. I mean everyone is off-work and attending at least most of the time.
2. We need to have an itinerary. If we could all spend all of the meals of only one weekend together, that would be amazing, inexpensive, and doable for everyone's schedule. Meals need to be planned and everyone contributes.
I was a little heart broken after this weekend. We spent a lot of time in our hotel room, or walking the downtown streets because we didn't have enough of an itinerary. We heard about people being here or there, but often two parties invited us at the same times and we felt conflicted turning someone down to see another family member.
I almost didn't write this post. I am so nervous about offending, but this comes from a place that misses my family so much. Hopefully we can find a way to get over past issues and create a together family again.
On a much, much lighter note, here are some of my favorite pictures from this weekend.
We spent the weekend visiting family in Salt Lake City and sending Taylor off on his mission. I spent the 10.5 hour drive home thinking on the weekend and reflecting on family. So often we hear the phrase "Life is too short" but when it comes to family, life is long, especially when you have a big family like I do.
What does that mean and what are the implications? Think back on the history of your family. It stretches further than you can think about and someday we'll all be great-great-grandma/pa who did such-and-such. Think about your aunts, uncles, grandparents and how much they have affected your personality, well-being, and experiences. That's what I mean. Family life is long, and its effect is far-reaching. Too often, families can lose perspective and get caught up in short-term situations, losing sight of the long-term effects.
I write the next part of my post, not placing any blame, or making judgments. Truthfully, it's hard seeing my family these days. Several factors contribute to this fact, including that several of us live out of state. I would like to propose some solutions that might remedy our future family relationships.
1. Once in awhile, at least every year or two, we all need to be at the same place at the same time. We need to set a date in the future that we can all commit to being there. (Taylor's Homecoming? Palm Desert resort weekend?) Being in the same city doesn't count. I mean everyone is off-work and attending at least most of the time.
2. We need to have an itinerary. If we could all spend all of the meals of only one weekend together, that would be amazing, inexpensive, and doable for everyone's schedule. Meals need to be planned and everyone contributes.
I was a little heart broken after this weekend. We spent a lot of time in our hotel room, or walking the downtown streets because we didn't have enough of an itinerary. We heard about people being here or there, but often two parties invited us at the same times and we felt conflicted turning someone down to see another family member.
I almost didn't write this post. I am so nervous about offending, but this comes from a place that misses my family so much. Hopefully we can find a way to get over past issues and create a together family again.
On a much, much lighter note, here are some of my favorite pictures from this weekend.
Adam taking care of sippy cups.
Sweet Adeline
Flashback! Love this picture that my mom found. 1991?
Daniel's turn at taking care of sippy cups.
Tea Party Crashers
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Online Personality
What's your online personality? I just finished my schoolwork this morning (online) and looked across my Bookmark Bar and realized that I spend a lot of time (but also accomplish a lot) online. Here's a snapshot of my online personality and how I am developing it.
#1. Blogger - Why not start right where we are? Femmecheri has become a journaling outlet for me. I know people outside my family (or even inside) would only find it nominally interesting, but it is cathartic to me to write a new post and to look back on my past posts.
I am also in the works of forming a blog about Substitute Teaching. I have a lot to say about this subject like advice to new subs, advice to current teachers about how to set a sub up for success and my view that the whole sub system is outdated and cruel. More on that to come.
#2. Facebook - There were times that I considered leaving fb. I was getting tired of seeing who shared "yogadork"'s photo, and some people's almost constant status updates were (and are) nauseating. But then I started to see fb in a different light. We are lonely these days, lacking community, and fb provides us with a little bit of that. My new goal when I log on to fb is to say something nice about someone in a comment or like a few pictures. That's the whole point right? Why post a picture if you didn't want the world to tell you they approve? I do it too, and when people like my photos, I feel a sense of comradery (sp?).
#3. Pinterest - Announcement, if you're following me on Pinterest and you don't want to see a million "how to use legos in a math class" pins (and the like), you might want to unfollow me and choose a few boards of mine to follow instead... because it's about to get real this summer with the math pinning. I love Pinterest, it's like list making on steroids, and you all know how much I love to make lists! Enough said.
#4. Twitter - Twitter is an educator's professional development gold mine. Don't follow me on Twitter for social reasons. I'm still navigating the waters, but I'm learning a lot from following some really good, experienced educators on Twitter.
So what's your online personality? What do you use social sites for? Are you using them in a way that gives back to you or are they sucking up your precious time?
#1. Blogger - Why not start right where we are? Femmecheri has become a journaling outlet for me. I know people outside my family (or even inside) would only find it nominally interesting, but it is cathartic to me to write a new post and to look back on my past posts.
I am also in the works of forming a blog about Substitute Teaching. I have a lot to say about this subject like advice to new subs, advice to current teachers about how to set a sub up for success and my view that the whole sub system is outdated and cruel. More on that to come.
#2. Facebook - There were times that I considered leaving fb. I was getting tired of seeing who shared "yogadork"'s photo, and some people's almost constant status updates were (and are) nauseating. But then I started to see fb in a different light. We are lonely these days, lacking community, and fb provides us with a little bit of that. My new goal when I log on to fb is to say something nice about someone in a comment or like a few pictures. That's the whole point right? Why post a picture if you didn't want the world to tell you they approve? I do it too, and when people like my photos, I feel a sense of comradery (sp?).
#3. Pinterest - Announcement, if you're following me on Pinterest and you don't want to see a million "how to use legos in a math class" pins (and the like), you might want to unfollow me and choose a few boards of mine to follow instead... because it's about to get real this summer with the math pinning. I love Pinterest, it's like list making on steroids, and you all know how much I love to make lists! Enough said.
#4. Twitter - Twitter is an educator's professional development gold mine. Don't follow me on Twitter for social reasons. I'm still navigating the waters, but I'm learning a lot from following some really good, experienced educators on Twitter.
So what's your online personality? What do you use social sites for? Are you using them in a way that gives back to you or are they sucking up your precious time?
Saturday, June 1, 2013
About Cars
Not many people know this about me but I have a fear of riding or driving a car on the freeway. I used to drive everyday on the freeway in SLC, but then I rarely drove in Portland and sort of got out of the habit. I am trying to be proactive with dealing with it. My drive to work has been on 55 mph roads and I try to remind myself that it's not much different from the freeway. Our new location makes Hanford a more logistical 5 hour car ride so we will find ourselves on that road more often. I am looking forward to the drive to Salt Lake because it gives me a chance to stare my fear right in the face. I also have a few tests to take that require me to drive an hour on the I-10 to Redlands. I know that many people have similar fears or fears of flying, etc. I'm only human in the end.
Anyway, I took this picture on our way to Hanford last week and I'm planing on taking my camera for the SLC car ride. I tell Daniel, "A life where you can't drive to see family is not worth living." Even if the thoughts linger, every time I get in the car, I have conquered.
Anyway, I took this picture on our way to Hanford last week and I'm planing on taking my camera for the SLC car ride. I tell Daniel, "A life where you can't drive to see family is not worth living." Even if the thoughts linger, every time I get in the car, I have conquered.
Land of Rattlesnakes
The heat has us shying away from hiking these days but this is a hike we took back in March. It's beautiful but according to another hiker, there were rattlers around. Glad I didn't see/hear any. I wish I had some pictures of Daniel but as you can see he has mad photography skills. Glad things have settled down for me and I can blog again!
Home
It's amazing to me how character builds in a home. You start out with one idea of how it should look but as you welcome different items, it comes together in its own way. Our home has started to take on an earthy feel. It's nothing that someone would pin on pinterest with the tag "I want my home to look like this!" but somehow it fits just right for us. It feels so comfortable and warm.
Our home is too small for a piano and getting the piano from Hanford seemed too daunting of a task so we sold it. It went to a good home, one where an eight-year-old girl is learning to play and that made me happy. Someday, after I have settled into teaching a little more, I will take up the piano again. For now, I am content with finding new pieces to listen to on Spotify and plotting how I will get my students to listen to classical while they do their independent practice. hehehe
Our home is too small for a piano and getting the piano from Hanford seemed too daunting of a task so we sold it. It went to a good home, one where an eight-year-old girl is learning to play and that made me happy. Someday, after I have settled into teaching a little more, I will take up the piano again. For now, I am content with finding new pieces to listen to on Spotify and plotting how I will get my students to listen to classical while they do their independent practice. hehehe
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