Real Friends

This morning over breakfast, I told Daniel that more than anything Portland has taught me to be alone.  In a good way of course.  I don't have real friends here...none that I can just call up and say "Let's hang out," without it feeling forced.  I think friendship is the most authentic of relationships.  It's where the walls come down.  It's where you just want to be in the same room, it's where you laugh genuinely until it hurts, and where their sorrow is your own.

But meeting a friend is as much of a crapshoot as meeting a lover.  So many people pass through and become acquaintances, facebook friends.

This sounds like I am being negative, but that is far from what I mean to say.  Two years ago, I had lots of friends and family that I left behind, and that was a good thing because I needed to learn a lot in Portland and I needed to meet Daniel.  Now I am going to marry my best friend, but I also know that there are more pages to turn, more doors to open, and somewhere in the future...real friends.

For now, I have made friends with me, and I'm pretty awesome.  I laugh at all my own jokes, and I point out this or that beautiful thing throughout the day, and keep pretty good company.

Most of this alone time is spent in my living room, which is also awesome.  This is where I blog, read, do pilates, and play the piano.  Sometimes I sit on that futon until my tailbone hurts.  (This is the same futon where Daniel and I had our first kiss, and two years later where he proposed!)

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am comfortable with myself and comfortable with being alone, just like Daniel and I are comfortable just hanging out with each other.  And that's how I'll know when I have found a real friend...we just like being together.