Bedtime Thoughts

Today was my third day at the hotel and I am having one of those grateful moments...the kind that won't let go of you.  I'm so grateful to have a job.  I'm so grateful for purpose in my day.  I feel like time has stopped, meaning time has become a day instead of a five-year plan.  When you're in school, you constantly think about your future.  And then suddenly you're out, employed, and living your future.  I don't feel badly that it didn't turn out for me like it used to turn out for math majors before the economy turned.  I'm so fortunate to have the experience of pulling myself from the ground up.

We are so fortunate in this country, yet we love to whine.  The other night I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep when I heard my refrigerator kick in...you know that periodic noise that fridges make...and I realized how amazing it is to have a refrigerator!  I have a beautiful apartment that is not missing a single modern convenience (except a dishwasher, but it would be worse to be missing something else like a fridge or a toilet.)  I might be making the same amount of money as a high school grad, but the point is, who cares?  I am proud of my accomplishments, of the work I do, and the guests who I make happy.  There is nothing better then laying your head on the pillow knowing you have done an honest day's work.

Becoming a Brand

I have been thinking a lot about how I am about to be shoved out of academia-land and into that Fire Swamp called the job hunt (hold the R.O.U.S's please) and I'm not going to lie...it terrifies me.  But somewhere underneath the noise in my mind, I had an idea.  Now hear me out, this is going to sound like your worst nightmare corporate robot idea (plus--it's in no way original), but I am convinced that there is a correlation between success and building a successful personal brand.

Here's how my brain-child was conceived.  Project Runway Allstars has been one of the worst shows I have ever seen on television which is ironic because the original Project Runway is one of my all time favorites.  But here's where Allstars goes wrong.  3 words: Fake Heidi Klum.  I don't even know her full name, Angela something, and I don't care.  I could have forgiven her for not being Heidi if she had just one quality that sold her as a personal brand.  She is by far the most dry television host I have ever seen.  She fails to sell herself, whereas Heidi makes you believe that Project Runway is the best show ever.

In Allstars defense, Isaac Mizrahi, Georgina Chapman and Joanna Coles are awesome as judges and mentors.  All three of them are very successful at selling their own personal brand.

Lastly, there is one designer on the show that I don't think is going anywhere and that's because he fails again and again to show any personality or integrity.  He doesn't seem to know who he is...(I may have to eat my words if he wins tomorrow, but then I'll just be watching to see if he can make anything out of his win.  I highly doubt it.)

Okay, enough about the Runway.  I have gotten a lot out of observing this twist on my favorite show and it has taught me a valuable lesson.  For the next month, I am not going to look at another job posting.  I am going to create my brand.  I want to interview well and part of that is successfully communicating my personal brand to potential employers.

For Education's Sake

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I have to give a shout out to going to college.  In our consumer-obsessed society, too many of us enter college with the aim of making more money when we graduate.  But it turns out, college is insistent that you learn stuff (awesome stuff) and those that don't have a fire for learning burn out.  But what if we were more passionate?  What if we went to college without all that pressure to state a major with a high salary connected to it.  Then we wouldn't just fall in line with our parents' world, the one where the job types are already prescribed and we are destined to think we are destroying our environment and the Democrat/Republican split personality is a natural way of thinking.  I hope my generation will stop thinking about dollar signs and start getting curious about the way the world works.

Gender Mobility

I find myself thinking about motherhood a lot.  Slow down....thinking, not actualizing.  It makes me tired.  I am tired now, as I have been struggling to balance going to school and earning money, so I can't imagine trying to juggle family and a career.  It's hard to be patient, especially when there are so many girls younger than me that have started their families.  But children are expensive and I'm not ready for that bill yet.

Thinking of motherhood also make me think about mobility, about who belongs where, and who can move about without restraint.  Women are still in a bind.  All of the 'social' constraints may be gone that kept women out of the workforce, but its not really fair yet. (I mean the decent wage-earning workforce.  It should be clarified that women have a history of being medial wage-earners.)  This is not an academic research paper on gender equality.  I have a real knot-in-my-stomach about my future as a woman.  Here are some of the scenarios that run through my head.

1) My future as an actuary...Trying to study for the qualifying exams will make my bachelor's degree look like learning phonics.  It will take me years of ladder-climbing, competing with men who don't have to take maternity leave or have a human being grow inside them and then become completely dependent on their bodies, but still get to enjoy having a family.

2) Yesterday I saw a story on the need for dentists in this country.  This is a career I have seriously considered before.  I would have the flexibility to work 3 days a week and the income to pay for childcare.  Plus, I could run my own office instead of dealing with dopey male-chauvinists as colleagues.  But it means 1 yr.+ of prerequisites, then 4 more years of school.  No problem!  I would do it in a heartbeat if I was a man.  But I am 25, and waaayyy past my family-starting age already (by my upbringing's standards), and waiting 5 years to have a baby seems crazy.

There...I have spilled my maternal guts to you.  I'm sure I will make good decisions as I start my life.  My biggest concern is that I remember that while babies are cute, eventually they become people, and I want them to have the best start possible.  I just hope I can find a career that facilitates my dualism, that both my career will make me a more fit mother, and that my motherhood will make me more fit for the workforce.