Gender Mobility

I find myself thinking about motherhood a lot.  Slow down....thinking, not actualizing.  It makes me tired.  I am tired now, as I have been struggling to balance going to school and earning money, so I can't imagine trying to juggle family and a career.  It's hard to be patient, especially when there are so many girls younger than me that have started their families.  But children are expensive and I'm not ready for that bill yet.

Thinking of motherhood also make me think about mobility, about who belongs where, and who can move about without restraint.  Women are still in a bind.  All of the 'social' constraints may be gone that kept women out of the workforce, but its not really fair yet. (I mean the decent wage-earning workforce.  It should be clarified that women have a history of being medial wage-earners.)  This is not an academic research paper on gender equality.  I have a real knot-in-my-stomach about my future as a woman.  Here are some of the scenarios that run through my head.

1) My future as an actuary...Trying to study for the qualifying exams will make my bachelor's degree look like learning phonics.  It will take me years of ladder-climbing, competing with men who don't have to take maternity leave or have a human being grow inside them and then become completely dependent on their bodies, but still get to enjoy having a family.

2) Yesterday I saw a story on the need for dentists in this country.  This is a career I have seriously considered before.  I would have the flexibility to work 3 days a week and the income to pay for childcare.  Plus, I could run my own office instead of dealing with dopey male-chauvinists as colleagues.  But it means 1 yr.+ of prerequisites, then 4 more years of school.  No problem!  I would do it in a heartbeat if I was a man.  But I am 25, and waaayyy past my family-starting age already (by my upbringing's standards), and waiting 5 years to have a baby seems crazy.

There...I have spilled my maternal guts to you.  I'm sure I will make good decisions as I start my life.  My biggest concern is that I remember that while babies are cute, eventually they become people, and I want them to have the best start possible.  I just hope I can find a career that facilitates my dualism, that both my career will make me a more fit mother, and that my motherhood will make me more fit for the workforce.